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Disabled Dreamer

Author: Nicole Kinzel

  • Black Out Poem

    It starts uneasy. I can’t point to what exactly. I feel off. Am I thirsty? No, that’s not it. Hungry? Closer, but still no. Something is wrong. Unbalanced. Nausea starts. Dizzy. Moving objects hurt to look at. It makes the nausea worse. Is the color around different? No, still vibrant but flat. Not dimensional. A…

  • Forest Of The Soul Poem

    The first plant in my room was an African violet. Leaves danced in the dark of the night, Bending into frightening and wonderful shapes. As malleable as the child mind that observed. Free. *** A prayer plant came later. Greens and pinks reaching towards the sky at night. Pure white flowers appearing at the most…

  • Signs From God Prose

    I remember when you sent me that beautiful dream. That dream where I had died but was not frightened. Where I met you past the door at the the end of a dark oak hall. Where you met me in a room dressed in the familiar design of a hospital appointment room. Where you took…

  • What We Choose Poem

    It is ours to take. The high or the low. From this world, Torn between heaven and hell. We choose the side, And take it within. In the end it is all that remains inside. You can argue or fight. Some ponderance of the idea of fate. Drawn only by a greater being. An insulation…

  • Grief And Eating Problems

    I never expected grief to have such a profound effect on my eating habits. It’s so different from what you see in movies. Eating a bunch of ice cream was neither the problem or solution. In fact the problem was entirely the opposite. Mostly at least. There have been periods of time when food has…

  • A Different Kind Of Pain Poem

    Why does it ache? A family vacation in the woods. Mystery. Adventure. Cushioned by the watchful eyes of parents. Safe. *** Why does it pull? Waiting for the janitor to retrieve my bouncy ball from the school roof only to get one more than I should have. Curious. Impatient. Looking towards the future. Hopeful. ***…

  • Jaco Robotic Arm Denial

    I became aware of the Jaco robotic arm by Kinova when I was much younger and it was still in the trial phase. I saw demos at MDA summer camp and a technology conference over the following years. The robotic arm is a nifty device that mounts on the side of the wheelchair and is…

  • Denial Poem

    Slavery of all types is outlawed. So why does my human life have a cost value? Everyone has different needs. So why do you hold me to a medical equipment registry? Not every life necessity is medical. So why do you hold me to a different standard? Medical equipment is for those with a need…

  • How I Fixed My Sleep

    I struggled starting at a very young age to get a proper night of sleep. The first dream I ever remembered was a nightmare. Bad dreams would follow me often for years. Sometimes I did not want to sleep because of it. I also struggled with mental hyperactivity no matter how tired I felt physically.…

  • The Cage Prose

    There once was a girl who lived in a cage. The door was not locked but she could not leave. Chains tied her down at the ankles that nobody could break. On occasion, she would struggle against it but the furthest she could reach was the door. Sometimes people would visit, but never for long.…