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Disabled Dreamer

Author: Nicole Kinzel

  • Public School And Disability

    School was hard for me. I know a lot of people say that, but for me it was for slightly different reasons. All things considered I did very well grades wise. I was mainstreamed and I graduated high school with a 3.97 GPA and was always on honor roll middle school and up. I rarely…

  • It Waits Prose

    I can never tell when it will show. Teeth sharp as needles. It could be today with a glance at the horribly familiar. Always remembering and never forgetting. It could be next week with a familiar wail. Too close for comfort. It could be next year at the anniversary of that evil time. A clock…

  • Emotion Body Connection

    My current dealings with grief have reinforced the idea that emotions have a much bigger connection to the body than is easily visible. Grief has brought on a shortness of breath, full body aches, headaches, digestive issues, nausea, and chest pain. The headaches might be expected for sadness but the rest of the symptoms are…

  • Sometimes Things Just Don’t Work Out

    This is the opposite end of the spectrum from the last post I wrote and, frankly, one I was neither expecting or hoping to write. As I have mentioned, I’m having to re home a cherished pet bird. Last I mentioned, a friend was taking him in and I felt great comfort from it. Unfortunately…

  • Sometimes Barriers Exist For a Reason

    Sometimes, the first impulse I get when I see a barrier, railing, or window is that tiny little goblin mode voice of intrusive thought that says “Run through it!”. Everyone gets those little intrusive thoughts. Does not mean that I nor anyone else would act on them. Often these thoughts are just simple “what if…

  • Letter to a Surrendered Pet

    Dear Samba, I’m sorry I will no longer be able to feed you walnuts to cheer you or scratch your itchy head myself. Listen to you bird purr as you eat popcorn or feel you rubbing on my towel after a shower. Sing to music or scream like a little girl at a random airplane…

  • Trying to Date While Disabled

    I’ll start with what everyone else is thinking: dating sucks. You can put your best foot forward towards anyone and it can end up being a huge waste of time. I also understand that it is nobody’s right in life to date. Everyone is human though and desires to be loved, respected, and cherished in…

  • Grief Poem

    I scream. So the tears have meaning. So I demand notice. So the thoughts are drowned out. I scream. *** I cry. When words fail. When the hurt is too great. When that need stays empty. I cry. *** I hate. The hollow pain. The electric ache. The feeling of the end. I hate. ***…

  • The Path Poem

    I see the ground before me.The ground broken by many feet before mine.I can see myself walking the same path in my own mind.I want to go down this same path. I strain every muscle in my legs to move.Will my feet to touch the ground and thrive.I can almost convince myself it is happening.So…

  • Inspiration Poem

    Waves flow over. Drowning out the uncertain. The current starts as a salve on the skin. Water warming instead of burning open cuts. Becoming exciting electric in time. *** I drink the earth and the skies. I taste the flavors of the variations of reality. Entire worlds in mind’s eye. Alluring distorted mirror. I bathe…