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Disabled Dreamer

Author: Nicole Kinzel

  • Tree Eyes Poem

    Night would start to fall upon the forest. My young self would peer nervously from the campfire outside the family trailer. Trees looked different in the dark and hollows became gaping mouths or staring eyes. Worse still, was that tree someone had glued large plastic eyes to. Probably as a joke but not funny to…

  • A Different Fair Poem

    There is something seriously wrong with the local county fair. Is it the same for you or just me? The colors never seem as bright on signs or amusements. The food never tastes as good and the size of the grounds seems to close in on itself. Maybe it will be the size of a…

  • The Little Things

    A list of the little things that I do not know to miss until they are gone (permanently or temporary): The presence of a pet. Breathing through my nose. Being able to pee properly. A pain free back. A pain free neck. The way a tree shades a window. The noise of a sibling in…

  • Lights Poem

    Some lights are more fun than others. Halo, orb, rainbow. A pleasure to see at a light show. Expected and meant to impress. Much preferred to what one sees before blacking out. An unexpected last jolt of visual feedback that only one person can see. *** Sunlight is wonderful on a mild day. A warm…

  • Bent Poem

    I do not know around what time it happened. When the shape came to be. It surely did not start this way. But the signs of it stretch backwards further than I can follow. An accidental outcome of the consequences. Of when I was bent in life. *** Forced. *** It was never a sudden…

  • Released Poem

    I let the dark pass by me. The color does not exist there. Devoid of all that might bring me joy. I don’t want that brush to belong to me. I have owned it before and the splinters remain under my skin. A momento to remember to not buy again no matter the shine of…

  • It Is Not My Fault Poem

    It is not my fault when he comes back smelling like vodka. The stress too much to want to deal with. Future long devoured by the past. Progress too painful to face. Consequences be damned. A habit that I will never change for him. *** It is not my fault when he does not show…

  • Narcissists And Disabilities

    I have written before how disability causes extra challenges for the family. This time I will touch on something more specific since the culprit in question does not read any of these. I have noticed the unfortunate co existence that seems to exist between disabled family members and narcissistic family. For me, my father is…

  • Thank You For The Yard

    Thank you for fulfilling a need. Providing a space to thrive. A reason to break the bars on the cage I have designed for myself. To leave the dark cave of a bedroom I could stay in for hours on end. Lit by artificial light meant to simulate what was missing when I had given…

  • Where have you been? Poem

    I spy a plant on the side of a sidewalk. Covered in flowers both red and white like precious gems. Full and settled comfortably under the the late afternoon sky. Reflecting back the sunset in bisected color. Large and lush to speak of a long silent history. A journey I could never hope to know.…