Sometimes I feel small and stupid.

Attempting to go after a goal I could never reach.

Making a fool of myself acting like I have way more power than I do.

Wasting time and energy.

A pattern I fall into in hopes of impressing others or only God’s eyes.

Stretching myself into a role that was never mine.

***

I worry that God sees my effort and is disappointed.

Responsibility misplaced or failed.

Fate and purpose strayed from.

Another blessing and second chance wasted.

Maybe this time was the last.

My use run out.

***

On a similar and related note, my dog has a funny quirk.

It only happens when he is outside.

He could be patrolling the fence or playing with a ball.

Does not matter the time of day or weather.

His behavior changes as soon as a plane flies overhead.

With being so close to an airport, this happens multiple times an hour.

***

He will break into a sprint racing to the side of the yard facing the plane’s approach.

A small black blur barking and yipping.

There at the edge he will meet it.

As it shoots over the yard, he follows it just as fast.

Racing with it until he can no longer follow.

Just to return to normal behavior after.

***

I cannot tell you how happy this little behavior makes me.

Does not matter if he means to try and protect me or just be playful.

I do not know if he thinks it is a strange bird or that he could never catch it.

Forever out of his grasp and beyond understanding.

The effort is undeniable.

Unmistakably himself.

***

Maybe nobody is disappointed in me.

An observation of behavior that brings glee.

Pleasing in action no matter the consequences.

That nothing has been wasted.

Time meant for me.

Maybe I am just chasing airplanes.