Oh dear dad, I hate that I am so attached even though you are never around. Excited over the tiniest scrap of attention. It never pans out but all you have to do is smile to set me right back to square one. How is a person supposed to heal from this situation? Forever mourning a ghost. Never to have a single interest recognized or have a single positive touch. I do not believe you anymore even as you haunt this house. Yet, I crave what I should have had.

Oh dear God, I hate that I do not feel attached to you. I see your signs all around. I know you are present and listening. Know all my interests and never pull back from supporting me. A ghost more present than my own dad. Divining interventions to make my life better and protecting me from harm. Yet I cannot feel that emotional connection. Perhaps wasted elsewhere. I believe in you even when when I cannot see you. Yet, I crave what I should have had.

Dear father, so different from each other. A gap and missing piece unique to me. I cannot decide whether or not you balance each other out or act as a twofold weakness. One affecting the other. Forever waiting for my heart to heal. Trying to be a good daughter. Fearing that neither connection will survive. Praying for yet another sign I wish I never needed. Yet, I crave what I should have had.