It becomes my lullaby.

The medicinal taste on my tongue.

The way it silences the pain.

Guiding me to a chaotic sleep.

Somewhere between nightmare and oblivion.

I do not enjoy taking it.

***

It lets me not have to show weakness for once.

To pretend I do not need it.

So I can reduce the mental load.

Even as I actively plan the timing to take more.

Carefully calculating every safe minute.

I do not enjoy needing it.

***

It gets me through another day.

Until I no no longer have have to worry about the pain.

Until I have better issues issues to worry about.

So I can finally afford to dream.

So I no longer worry about how badly it burns my stomach.

I do not want it.