Am I ok?

One minute I feel unimaginable pain.

The next I feel nothing.

Who can say if it was a one time deal.

Or a coming storm.

A simple warning shot.

***

What level of pain is ok?

It has been my shadow for years.

Darker now than it used to.

But not the darkest it has ever been.

Constantly asking myself how dark that shadow should be before it is considered light.

Enough to be part of the background.

***

When is it ok to complain?

I do not want to be a permanent siren.

Forever sounding the alarm.

Seeking help when nothing might be able to be done.

Wearing out all those around me.

Causing their ears to bleed until they leave the fallout zone entirely.

***

If you ask me if I am ok, do not be surprised by my reaction.

I have always detested the question.

A common smalltalk that pokes me where it hurts.

A mystery that you probably cannot answer either so you ask me instead.

Delving into shades that are best left alone.

I never know where to begin.