I wanted to be a mermaid as a little kid.

Firmly believing that they could exist in some unknown corner of the earth.

Like the drawings in the corner of ancient maps along with sea monsters.

But the monsters were never my fascination as I paged through mermaid lore books for children.

I felt like I would have been better off as a mermaid.

***

Of course I wanted to feel special but that was not the only reason.

Water was a different world.

Gravity could not touch me to the degree it could normally.

I felt free and stronger.

The beauty of the deep transferred to me.

All I had to do was breathe under water first.

***

Perhaps I was secretly a mermaid.

That is why my legs never seemed to work right.

Pulled from the world I belonged.

Forced to adapt in ways I should not have to.

When I should be out going on adventures in the wild.

My zone of control expanded from a wheelchair to over half the surface of the earth.

***

I would lay in the bathtub and dream.

Of a world that is not mine and a life I did not have.

Watching the clouds pass by the skylight overhead.

Hypnotic companions.

Lulling me to dream on until the water became as cold as the ocean.

Until I am forced to let the dream go down the drain with the bathwater.