I have been commended on my patience.

A medal I sometimes display on my chest broadly.

Other times hidden in my sock drawer out of my own line of sight.

It always exists, I just do not always consider it the same.

A shift of behavior that surprises many.

Seemingly vibrant contradiction.

***

That vibrancy is as confusing as a difficult color blind test.

What might appear red is actually grey.

A trait neither good nor bad but instead a noncommittal middling color.

Without any fun actual color or brightness.

As serious as the color beige.

Obligatory in every shade.

***

Learned and sometimes loved.

Never a color I would want to paint every wall of my life with.

A preferred occasional accent color and nothing more.

I hate that I see it so frequently.

A plague of color that corrupts everything I seem to touch.

The same not wished upon anyone I have ever known.

***

I am patient in every situation and I have to be.

From handling difficult situations to people.

There are some that I wish I was not patient with.

Where I wish I would snap and walk away.

My nature blocks the very thought.

An impossible action that has been drilled out of me.

***

I need to relearn it again for myself.

To see all the colors of the spectrum and to feel them.

To pass the color blind test and see it in more than hindsight.

To paint with so much color that the walls look like a mad person’s.

I pray that the rest of the obstacles disappear while I learn.

So I can be actually free.