I have never been a rule breaker.

Afraid of getting in trouble for the smallest mistake.

On edge when I feel like I might be confronted.

Sick to my stomach.

Ready to shrink into the fetal position out of submission.

A learned meekness.

***

Worse still, I was taught that everything is transactional.

Love is returned only when I fall in line.

That lesson only takes one teacher to be remembered.

And I have always been a good student.

The worst future being when it is no longer possible to fall in line.

A bad grade unable to be removed from my record.

***

Now I may not be a rule breaker, but I know of one.

The one that opened my eyes to a different realm of reality.

One where love is freely given no matter if you step off that line.

A different kind of teacher that has to work much harder for their lesson.

One that does not keep grades.

Even going out of their way to remove the negative ones that others hold against me.

***

Everything I have been taught tells me to not follow the rule breaker.

They are too different and unusual.

That this must be a trap.

They are secretly like all the rest and change on me.

Leaving me at a disadvantage for listening to them in the first place.

Paranoia built on a foundation of memories.

***

That rule breaker keeps teaching me.

Patient in my handling.

Carefully guiding me in a better direction of compassion.

That is always when I realize the truth of the situation.

That they were never a rule breaker in the first place.

That there are just a better set of rules I do not know.